Let's talk about something I hate; Dumbasses.

Last Thursday, six teenagers were arrested at a New York supermarket, after robbing a woman of her cigerattes, and then proceeding to destroy a man's car. So, they've already got two strikes against him; the first for stealing cigs, who no one should be using unless they have "Solid" or "Snake" in their name, and the second; just look at this stud!

I don't care what his taste of music is, he's an absolute joke! But, sadly, the joke doesn't stop there. Apparently the teens involved with the robbery were "emulating" Nico Bellic, the main protagonest of GTA IV. According to the NY Post; They decided they were going to go out to commit robberies and emulate the [lead] character Nico Belic [sic] in the particularly violent video game Grand Theft Auto... These teens have difficulty separating fact from fiction, fantasy from reality . . . It was quite alarming... They were bored and they decided this was a good idea.

... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Now, ok. I know there are some mentally ill people in this world, and sometimes, reality and fiction does blur. Something to do with some kinda voice in the head or something. But then I read the very last paragraph. Stop me if you've heard this one before: Police would not say specifically how they knew that the teens crimes were motivated by Grand Theft Auto, and not by some other motive. They said they discovered it during their investigation.

... Yeah. Don't get me wrong, what they did was still bad, and they still did it, BUT JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE 17/18 DOESN'T MEAN GRAND THEFT AUTO TOLD THEM TO DO IT. I mean, if not for that last paragraph, I wouldn't be in this hate filled rage right now, believe you me.

But let's discuss something that fills my heart with Joy. Harmonix announced Rock Band 2 today! And not only that, Rock Band 1 DLC will be fully compatable with RB2! That means the 50+ songs I've already picked up for my favorite fake instrument game will be all there for me to pick up when I buy my next favorite fake instrument game! Not only that, but it'll also work the other way as well. Even after RB2's release, all DLC released will be compatable with the orignal title. So, if you don't want to shell the money for the on disk stuff, you can still nail yourself all the goodies to come with the game spinnin in your 360 right now. Harmonix also stated that many changes and improvments in the Band World Tour mode would be coming forth for the better. Click the link for check out IGN's interview.

Not actually an RB2 screen, but we can pretend it is and fantise about the setlist now.

Harmonix also confirmed that RB2 will hit the 360 in September, acting as a timed exclusive until the PS3 and Wii releases a few months later. If you manage to add Shinedown's "The Sound of Madness" album to the DLC list, I may just place you in my favorite game company ever; At least until Nuts & Bolts comes out.

I love you, Rare!

Fact: Politicians cannot play video games for beans.

Connecticut Senator Gayle Slossberg (D) is now looking for gamers to help her reach the "Rape Scene" within Grand Theft Auto IV. Slossberg stated in an inverview with The New Haven Advocate that she finds this scene quite the negative impact in raising our children, and is going to use the "Rape Scene" to fuel her arguement in getting better warning labels placed on game boxes. Or rather, she would use the scene, if only she had the ability to make it that far in the game.

Senator, you clearly aren't tring hard enough. I got to the Rape Scene not 15 minutes into the game! I mean come on! All you do is punch out an army of cops, get the rest of your Mexicans Buddies across the border, kill a baby, go bowling with your cousin, and then you get to the Rape Scene! I mean, really now! I know you have little time on your hands, what with your ultra-special political voodoo you need to perform to get through daily life, but the least you can do is find the infomation you need to make your arguements valid! I mean, if you're not raping someone within an hour of gameplay, you really have no hope as a gamer, much less a human being.

Mario, travelling on a Yacht? What an elitest bastard. He'll never become president.

Nintendo released today its summer lineup of titles in North America. In addition to the forthcoming Super Mario Sluggers (which out a major media blowout at GameTrailers yeserday), and some... hidden picture... thing... Two other titles, Wario Land: Shake It, and Kirby Super Star Ultra were revealed to be a part of the lineup as well. While I've never been much of a Kirby fanatic, I can safely tell you, with all of my manlyness in check, THAT I AM PISSING MY PANTS IN EXCITEMENT FOR A NEW WARIO LAND. YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE WARIO LAND 4? SEVEN LONG YEARS.

There really is a god, after all.

Finally, tonight, there's a nice little freebie for you Gutiar Hero III players on the PS3 and 360 tomorrow. Even though the merger between Antivision and Blizzard is still months away, the engaged couple are still exchanging gift to each other to make their comming union all the more special. Level 70 Elite Tauren Chieftain's "I Am Murloc" will be the third cross-franchise music to be featured in GHIII. (If you've been keeping track, themes from Halo and God of War have already been offered as freebies to GHIII players. In addition, "Still Alive", from Portal, was added to Rock Band as well.) While I have absolutely no idea what this theme actually sounds like since I tend to stray away from World of Warcraft like a fat kid avoids carrots, I do love my free downloadable content, and everyone knows my sexual lust for crossovers. The day we find Guitar Axes in WOW is both very near and quite far off.

So, you may have noticed that slowly, yet surely, this whole "News" thing is a growing beast. First there was the post with no seperate paragraphs, and funky lettering all over the place inbetween the terrific bouts of the humor you come to expect. Well, now that the trendy coming of Summer Break is apon us, and the horror filled Jaw of New York State Regents Testing is another thing I can add to the list of "Things Zach Rich Has Escaped From The Jaws Of", expect (mostly) daily news posts from here till my forthcoming death in about 2414 months. You really are living in God's Country, aren't you, Dear Readers?

Let's talk about Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe first. In an interview with Gamespot today, Midway's Ed Boon discussed the pressing matter of how the series staple Fatalites will play into this edition of the long running Fighting series. Boon states; "All of the MK characters and all of the DC villains will have fatalities. The DC heroes who don't kill that often will have brutalities that will function just like fatalities but don't actually kill the opponent." This, GameColaians, is terrible, terrible news. Now I'll never be able to watch as Batman throws his Batarangs clear into Sub Zero's throat, seperating Head from Body completely! Midway givth the dream, Midway taketh awayth the dream. Guess I'll just go play more Marvel vs. Capcom 2 then.

Clank is a Platunum trophy in my book, baby.

As the hourglass labeled "Time Until E3" dwindles away on top of my dresser, the rumors keep on flowing across my eyes. Joystiq (through PS3 Fanboy) found a couple of leaked pics reguarding the long awaited (i.e. should have been there at launch; WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, SONY?) in-game XMB, as well as a shiny picture (shown above) of Gamerscore-istque "Trophy" system. If my sence of investigative Journalism is of any good, it tells me that different tasks will give a different level of Trophy Awardence. That means, if I write one news post a month, that must mean I'm getting a bronze trophy for my achevement. If that one news post gets me a Job at Gamespot, I assume that's somewhere in Silver's domain at best.

Now, let's play a game. I'm going to post a trailer, and I want you to tell me when you're not going to buy this game. The game with a name I'm sure you're going to mistake for something to do with mammories, Double D Dodgeball will be released on July 30 on the XBLA; a date sure to come after the cooler named Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball, from the greatest game company ever (after Rare, mind you), GameCock. If this trailer is of any relivance to the forthcoming game's success, then you can forget about Double D Dodgeball riiiiight about...

...Now.

And finally tonight, did you know that's there's only a little time left until Final Fantasy IV DS's release? I sure as hell did not, but I imagine a few others on staff did.

 

... Tomorrow.

Sprite Monkey, don't you DARE touch this one. I'M GOING TO CRUSH HIM! ME!

The crossover between Star Wars and Soul Calibur got a bit more interesting yeserday, when it was revealed that the protaginest in LucasArt's upcoming title Star Wars: Force Unleashed would be a playable character in both the PS3 and 360 versions of Soul Calibur IV. Today, a new trailer was released, with one minute of all the content we've seen before (all the characters with the emotions that flow in their soul), and then a good 15 seconds of the Secret Apprentace of Darth Vader in action. From what's shown in the trailer, he seems to be one of those faster brawlers, capable of unleashing strong air combos, much like Master Yoda.



While this still gives us no clue whatsoever on how the lightsaber clad warriors wind up in the SC-verse, it's still a nice thing to see when you're a man who eats up crossover fictions like he eats mountains of Cookie Dough Ice Cream.

Meanwhile, former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor is planning on releasing an educatainment title, planned for release in 2009. According to O'Connor, the game will let players "step into the shoes of a judge, a legislator, an executive" and "teach [players] how to think through and analyze problems, take action and voice opinions to their elected representatives." I can only hope that this game will finally get American Rednecks to get their heads out of their asses, and learn exactly how a little black schoolgirl changed the world by living near a white man's school, but having to use her scrawny little woman legs to go to the black man's school on the other side of the world.

And if you don't understand what Brown vs Board of Education was, and what it did to end racism forever, you need to play this game. A lot. Source: Joystiq

I'm not quite sure what the guys over at Sony are doing anymore. Is it me, or does it seem like they re-announce their intentions to launch the Home beta this year every week? According to PSN senior director Susan Panico, Home's going to launch simular to Google's Mail service, calling the planned fall launch a "open, working beta". Isn't G-Mail still in beta after four years?

But, let us put that behind us. Capcom stopped by today! And what did they bring? Neopets, of course! And you know who's making it, right? Those Puzzle Quest guys of course! It's the perfect combo. Addictive puzzler, and cute, huggy-wuggy Adorable... things. Also showed at Captivate '08 (Clever!) was info on the upcoming installments for Resident Evil, Street Fighter and Bionic Commando, as well as the announcement of an upcoming Wii title, called Spyborgs. I'm not quite certain what this game is going to be about. According to Bionic Games' Mike Stout; "Most of the stuff on the Wii is ports or micro-game stuff and I think most gamers are getting pretty sick of it. I don't want to mince words: We actually wanted to make a game." Now, I'm not a man to go pickin a fight with anyone, but there's some guys from Nintendo who'd like to have a word with you, Mr. Stout.

Check out the trailer, and view screens from Captivate '08 here.



All of this, and ninjas in court! If the HTML doesn't work today, you lose Itagaki-san!

In hoping to blend in like the big boys, France Based developer Ubisoft hosted its own media event today. Several announcements were made for upcoming titles those crafty Frenchies have been working on, one of which had me squealing like the little piggy I am during rounds of Mario Party 3. One thing that didn't have me squealing though, as the conclusion I've drawn-up; we may never see another Rayman platformer again. A third sequel to the Raving Rabbids spin-off, TV Party, was revealed today. Support for the Wii Balance Board was announced, to be used in unique ways never seen yet. One of these methods is by sitting down on the Board and shaking that booty like you just don't care. Wii Fit be damned. According to the Press Release, you can expect a large number of TV parodies and homage’s within. I'm going to tell you now, UbiSoft: No How I Met Your Mother references and your game will tank just like my love life. Speaking of my failed love life, nothing gets me more steamed than when a games' female lead turns out to be nothing more than a walking embodiment of cursed fanservice. Will the heroine of the next Prince of Persia game become the epicenter of my nightmares? Or will she actually be this "deadly new ally" the new teaser promises? Either way, it's a win-win situation when a good guy is described with the word "deadly". It makes for fewer walks in the zoo and more asskicking to be had. And finally, the only thing in the world I could get more excited about than [url=http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/28/avatar-game-is-3d-coming-mid-2009-ubisoft-confirms/]3-D Glasses[/url] is a teaser for BEYOND GOOD & EVIL 2! FINALLY. One of the most underrated games of all time to many a gamers' heart; a true golden egg of the last console generation is finally getting what it deserves: MORE. The only reason you shouldn't be watching the embedded trailer below is if you're an activist for the equal treatment of Flies and Pigs, or are actually a fly yourself (in which case, thank you for being GameCola's number #1 Fly-Fan. Your check is in the mail.) I suggest that you [url=http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/28/ubisoft-bringing-allen-carrs-easyway-to-stop-smoking-to-ds/]quit smoking[/url] while you can. With sequels to Beyond Good & Evil AND Banjo-Kazooie coming in the next year, it's (still) a good time to be a gamer.

Are you enjoying the new Blog? I'm going to assume the answer is yes, because I really can't hear your strained voice and your rapid facial motions (Though I'm going to assume you have a very wide mouth.). Well, one of the many points to make fir this here blog is to give you another source at the one thing that keeps the world turning; The News. As I have now given myself the title of Chief News Whore, check back daily(ish) for the latest updates on all of your favorite games right here, at GameCola. Paul, I'm expecting a pay raise.