To celebrate this festive season, Michael Gray has whipped up a little video something for all you good girls and boys:



For the rest of you, you all get coal.

In case you missed it on YouTube, here's the latest GameCola Podcast, in podcast form! From Michael Gray:

Michael and Paul recorded a top-secret podcast. Normally, podcast topics are things that I know nothing about and can't relate to at all, such as the PS3 price cut, and what games I've been playing recently. This time, when the topics are things I'm actually knowledgable about, such as the adventure game Deja Vu and the first three cases of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney and anime and former staff writers whose articles I've actually read, they decide to hold a clandestine podcast and not invite me.

Bitterness dictates that I should burn down the Internet in rage, but I am contractually obligated to share this fun podcast with you, the way podcasts were meant to be listened to: on video. To help hold your attention, or possibly to confuse you, Michael silently plays Nancy Drew: It's Really Freakishly Cold Outside during each video.

Watch it, and petition them to invent a time machine so I can join in:



Furthermore, if you have no idea what this "Deja Vu" game is that they keep talking about, take a look at Michael's walkthrough-quality run of the GBA version and/or Paul's run of the NES version, where he does everything wrong and still somehow manages to beat the game. We love both versions.






Also, I have ulterior motives for making you watch the Deja Vu videos... bwahaha! (You'll just need to wait and see! BwaHAha!)

I just finished a video walkthrough for the 2001 GBA version of Nancy Drew: Message in a Haunted Mansion. It's just like the PC version with toned-down graphics, as little animation as possible, and almost no voice acting besides a three second sound clip.

If Nancy Drew isn't your cup of tea, you might want to check out my Phoenix Wright walkthrough page on IGN FAQs.  It's pretty fancy-looking, and provides easy access to all the videos at once.  However, if you're looking for the full-sized videos, the GameCola YouTube page is still the only place where you can find them.

News broke yesterday that Square would be remaking Lufia II—one of, according to GameCola's Matt Gardner, the greatest RPGs of all time—for the Nintendo DS. This is fantastic news in general, but there are two specific things worth noting from this report:

1.    1. Square announced that they’ll be giving Lufia II a shiny new coat of 3D graphics. By this, they actually mean that they’ll be giving it the Final Fantasy III treatment, replacing its archaic 2D sprites with new 3D polygons that are, inexplicably, actually way worse than its archaic 2D sprites. (Apparently, this is what videogame companies do now. See also: Turtles in Time - Reshelled.)

2.    2. Square will be remaking the game—currently a turn-based RPG—into a Zelda-esque action RPG.

This is the greatest idea I have ever heard in my entire life.

There are a lot of RPGs, including Lufia II, that I've skipped over the years, because I'm so sick of turn-based combat—of random encounters, of sitting through long animations just to get to the battle screen, of hitting the X button for six hours until the enemy is defeated—that I can't play them anymore. I don’t have the patience for it anymore, not when we have games whose combat takes place in real-time, and is actually fun, instead of something that’s just in the way of the story. I think Square, as well as other companies, need to move ahead right now and remake every turn-based RPG ever into action RPGs. I know that sounds like I’m making a crazy overgeneralization just to draw attention and/or a laugh, but I would seriously be the happiest man on Earth if this actually happened.

I think a lot of people won’t agree with this idea, because they have bad taste in games and love boring combat, or because they think it’s sacrilegious to alter such a big part of an old game's gameplay, but the industry definitely needs to move forward with this. Thoughts?

Also, re: the remake itself, GAMECOLA CALLED IT.

Also, in other remake news, news also broke yesterday that Capcom is remaking the Phoenix Wright series—minus the obviously noncanon Apollo Justice—for Nintendo’s WiiWare service. Yesterday was a good day.

Also, I’ve heard a few people complain about Square developing the Lufia II remake for the DS, and not for a console. What else could they do? If they make it a retail game, nobody would buy it, because who wants to pay full-price for an SNES remake? And, if they made it a downloadable game, they’d have to charge a crazy low price, or else people would complain, because that’s what they do—and then Square wouldn’t make enough return on investment to make it worthwhile. It pretty much had to be the DS, or maybe the PSP.

The GameCola YouTube page is positively overflowing with new videos, and now is a perfect chance to get on board with some of the video series you may have missed! (Now is always a perfect chance to get on board, by the way.)

The newest release is The GameCola Podcast #16: Ratchet & Clank (and Michael), which involves Michael Ridgaway playing through Ratchet & Clank: A Wrinkle in Time. You can listen to this podcast with your eyes:



If Ratchet & Clank: Take a Bite Out of Crime isn't up your shady alley, try out either of our continuing video series: EarthBound, the quirky SNES RPG, or the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Episode 5: Rise from the Ashes. New videos from each set are posted three-at-a-clip on alternating days, so you have plenty of excuses to slack off.

Now, go. Slack off.

LOTS of news about the GameCola YouTube page. Also, sentence fragment. If you've been clamoring for variety, this news oughta make ya happy.

First, I've released two more videos of me playing through a game I covered once upon a time in my Flash Flood column. This time it's for the Flash game Dodge, where the instructions are simple: Avoid ball for high score. Also, you blow things up. See for yourself:




I'm not the only one to return from video hiatus; once Paul realized how popular his Plan 9 from Outer Space videos were, he vowed to start making videos that people would watch. Thus, we now have the beginnings of a runthrough of EarthBound, the quirky SNES RPG:




Incidentally, if you need your RPG video fix and EarthBound isn't enough for you, try out Michael's lengthy but as-of-yet incomplete run of Final Fantasy VI Advance for the GBA, which has now been consolidated into a single playlist for easier access.

And if you need your Michael fix and FFVIA isn't enough for you, please limit your creepy stalking to just commenting on every single one of his Phoenix Wright videos, of which there are now several more. Episode 5: Rise from the Ashes is nearing its conclusion, and you can get caught up right now:




Just to make things interesting, the remaining EarthBound and Phoenix Wright videos will be posted three at a time on alternating days, which should last about a week or so. With any luck we'll have more videos by then, so your daily routine of flocking to our magnificent channel should continue uninterrupted.

Finally, because we've been doing a lot of posting on this 'ere blogaroo, take a peek at what you may have missed from the past few days:

The 2010 Nintendo Fanservice Calendar

New Game Releases for the Week of November 2nd, 2009

Carbonated News: October 2009

Best New Peripheral of 2009: A Baby?

When is the New GameCola Coming Out?

Halloween is here, and that means it's time for everyone to come up with costumes. This year, I was thinking of going as Phoenix Wright. As my staff photo this year proves, it wouldn't be too difficult for me to get a costume.

But you know what? I decided that the lawyer Phoenix Wright wasn't awesome enough for a Halloween costume. No, I need a cooler Phoenix Wright costume. I need the greatest incarnation of Phoenix Wright known to man.

That's right. I need to dress up like DRUNKEN HOBO PHOENIX WRIGHT from Apollo Justice!

Sure, the costume might frighten small children and make Paul Franzen (who denies the existence of Apollo Justice) cry, but isn't that what Halloween is all about?

Well, Michael beat me to the punch and finished more Phoenix Wright videos before I could put together my "Flash Flood" video. Wah. We'll be releasing about one per day on the GameCola YouTube channel, so enjoy the next installment of Episode 5: Rise From the Ashes. Or else.

Oh, wait, did you think I was talking about the GameCola website? No no no. I meant the GameCola YouTube channel. (Heh heh.)

Yep, YouTube finally forced everybody into switching over to the new channel format, and there are some definite pros and cons about the whole situation:


Pros:

- Everything looks shiny and new

- Lots of JavaScript makes things makes everything fancier

- Much easier to navigate, once you know what you're doing

- Everybody's doing it


Cons:

- Everything is too shiny and new

- Lots of JavaScript messes everything up, including (but not limited to) my tabbed browsing habits

- Impossible to navigate, even when you know what you're doing

- Everything is completely disorganized


Ever since the big switch, our playlists have been in neither alphabetical nor chronological order, and the posting dates are all wrong. It's as though some YouTube intern was carrying our playlists to the new channel, slipped comically on a banana peel, and hastily piled them together and pretended like they had never fallen out of place. As it stands, searching for the videos you want is a mess.

Fortunately, we're able to organize the first 12 playlists on our lineup, so I've placed all the Phoenix Wright videos and Michael's runs of Mega Man 1-6 front and center, along with our Random GameCola Videos playlist.

Under better circumstances I'd want to put newer playlists such as The GameCola Podcast #15: We Are (Still) Drama Queens at the top of the list instead of, say, the ancient videos of Mega Man 6, which only I watched. However, believe me when I tell you it is much easier to navigate the videos when you don't have bits of Mega Man and Phoenix Wright strewn about every which way.

Speaking of Phoenix Wright bits, Michael has kindly produced more evidence--erm, videos for Episode 5: Rise from the Ashes, and they're being posted at the rate of about one or two per day for the rest of the week. Then, Paul has a special weekend video treat prepared for us. I'll give you a hint: it involves bathtime and at least one farm animal.

This'll be a busy week for the GameCola YouTube page, folks; here's a heads-up of what's there, and tidings of the rubbish to come.

I mean, uh, great stuff.

The next round of videos are ready for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney: Episode 5: Rise from the Ashes: This Title Is Too Long. One or two new videos from the set will go up each day for the rest of the week. Take a gander at what we've got so far:



Also available is the first half of The GameCola Podcast #15, sequel to The GameCola Podcast #14, in which a whole bunch of yahoos from the staff get together to play the Nintendo DS game Drama Queens.

Unfortunately, we don't actually get to see any of the gameplay because it's a podcast, and you can't see words. Instead, you're treated to oversized pictures of an oversized cheeseburger, Paul Franzen, and other staff members. Normally I would name the other staff members who participated, but the way the previous sentence is worded, there's a much greater chance you'll think I'm calling Paul Franzen an oversized cheeseburger, which is funny.

Come hither and listen to the ridiculousness:

You've been clamoring for it, so Michael has started on videos for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Episode 5: Rise from the Ashes. Because the episode is so huge, videos are being posted in chunks whenever Michael finishes them. Check back for more!

So here are two more Phoenix Wright fanfics that I've written:

A Special Gift comes straight from Paul Franzen, who wanted to see a story where Pearl (age 10) and Mia (now dead) do something highly inappropriate together.  Paul, you are a sick, sick man.

Maya Writes a Fanfic, on the other hand, does NOT contain lesbian pedophilia. Instead, it contains Maya and Pearl writing a ridiculously bad fanfic about Edgeworth.  And then they get in trouble when the story comes true.

I'm not sure how many people are interested in this, but I finally finished my long Phoenix Wright fanfic called Feelings Turnabout.  What happened is that I was playing the last Phoenix Wright game, and I noticed Iris makes a throwaway comment about Maya being Phoenix's girlfriend.

I could see that this was a potentially hilarious situation--one where everyone thinks Phoenix and Maya are secretly dating.  So I wrote a short story about it, labelled it as an alternate ending to the game, and listed the story as complete.

But then the fans of a Phoenix/Maya relationship forced me to continue the story, until eventually it become a 50+ page romantic epic.  But I threw in a lot of funny stuff, like Pearl becoming mini-Franziska, just to keep things interesting. So if you're interested in that sort of thing, make sure to check it out.

If you're not interested in that, you might want to check out my short story about Edgeworth and Franziska writing their wedding invitations, or the story about Paul's totally incorrect theory that Mia was planning on setting Phoenix up with Maya in Case 2.  Both of those stories are ideas that were discussed in GameCola podcasts, if you really want to go back and check.

That's right! Michael's video walkthrough series for Episode 4: Turnabout Goodbyes of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney is now available for your viewing pleasure on the GameCola YouTube channel. Enjoy!